On Tuesday a dying child begged Colin Kaepernick for water. Instead of taking the child to a hospital or even handing her a glass of water, Kaepernick took a knee in symbolic solidarity with the dying child. “I’m doing this because society simply doesn’t recognize how serious this child’s condition is,” Kaepernick said as the child looked at him with listless, glazed eyes, “Somebody needs to do something!” When a reporter pointed out that Kaepernick had a car nearby and several bottles of water to help hydrate the child and take her to the hospital, Kaepernick refused. “Helping the child, letting the child die…. it’s all really the same,” Kaepernick said, “A living child and a dead child are the same thing. It really makes no difference to the child. It’s like Clinton and Trump.”
Kaepernick was referring to his comments where he said Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were both racist and indirectly inferred that voting would not matter in this election.
“I don’t believe Hillary Clinton would help black Americans,” Kaepernick said, “It’s not like she has even acknowledged her white privilege.” When informed that Hillary has openly and honestly addressed exactly that, Kaepernick was not impressed. "Hillary hasn’t addressed the systemic racism in our society,” Kaepernick continued. When, once again, informed that Hillary has been hitting back on exactly that, Kaepernick refused to change his mind. “She’s exactly the same as Trump!” Kaepernick screamed, “Shut up! Just shut up! I’m taking a knee and getting so many tweets and likes and facebook posts! Don’t ask me to ruin it all by doing something productive!”
When Kaepernick was informed that, as a powerful symbol for many black millenials, he could help swing the election towards a candidate who openly acknowledges systemic racism and funds black progressive candidates down ballot …. Kaepernick told the interviewer to shut the fuck up. When Lebron James tweeted Kaepernick and asked him to stop acting like a spoiled little shit who spreads the false and dangerous “equivalence” theory, Kaepernick stamped his foot and whined “NOOOOOoooooooo! I don’t want to! I don’t want to support a woman- I mean, a politician who is totally the same as Trump.”
The stop-and-frisk sympathetic, white-supremacist sympathetic, racist dog whistler candidate Donald Trump was tickled pink by being compared to Hillary Clinton. “I am very much in support of Kaepernick’s move,” Trump said, “By sitting out the election and handing me a victory, Americans of color will be telling those in power that white supremacy is the only way to win elections. No politician, Democrat or Republican, will have any reason to fight racism. A Trump victory will mean a generation- at least!- of hell for Americans of color. Even if a politician mobilizes more voters in 2020 I will make sure that voters of color won’t even reach the polls. The Russians will have free and easy access to voter rolls. The GOP will make sure that no Democratic-leaning population will have a chance to cast a ballot. It doesn’t matter who the Dems nominate four years from now, nobody remotely sympathetic to Democrats will be able to vote. I will make sure of that, I and my GOP-controlled congress.”
“Everybody knows that kneeling is even better than voting when it comes to this election,” Colin Kaepernick replied. “That’s the only way to make change, whether it’s fighting racism or saving a child from dehydration.” In the midst of his press conference, however, Kaepernick had not even noticed that the child whose cause he was kneeling for was gone. Lebron James, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and several representatives of “Mothers for the Movement” had already whisked the child to the nearest pediatric hospital for emergency rehydration.
